Hard Times

This week has been ups and downs it seems like. Seven years ago I met the love of my life. We became the best of friends. It wasn't till 4 years later that we finally got together and fell in love. I knew he was my soulmate, who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. We had good times and bad times but we were so in love that it didn't matter. Two years later he asked me to marry him. I was so happy. We picked a date and I started planning. I was happy. But then my whole world started crashing down around me. I remember it clear as day. It was Mother's Day 2008. We were leaving his parents house headed back to our home and he broke up with me. I didn't know or understand the reason. We had just told his parents we were engaged and getting married April 25th 2009. The next couple of days we were barely talking and he was sleeping on the couch, something that pissed me off more than anything ever did. So I was fed up. I was tired of us breaking up over nothing. So I did what I thought was right for me. I broke off the engagement, left our home and didn't look back. He thought I would never leave, but I did. I moved back in with my parents and when he realized I was finally done that is when it set in. He called, text, came over every day for 3 or 4 months after I left. Begging for me back, crying his eyes out, saying he loved me and was in love with me and wanted to marry me. But I wasn't having it, I had enough. I was finally taking a stand for myself. So I didn't give in. I moved on and started dating another guy. That broke his heart. But me and him were still friends, we still did stuff together like go eat and go to the park. I was still so in love but couldn't give in. So I tried to fill that void with another guy. It worked for the time being, then it didn't. Me and the guy I was dating broke up on valentines day 2009. I was sad the way things ended, it wasn't a good break up at all. But I missed Ronnie. We had stayed friends then all of the sudden we weren't. He got a psycho stalker chick who is absolutely obsessed with him. I was upset of course but I couldn't blame him. He told me he didn't want to be with her, he just didn't want to be lonely. So after months of trying to convince him to meet with me he did. In May of 2009 we started seeing each other again, and I was happy again. He took me to the casinos for the first time. We had so much fun. It was like we didn't skip a beat. We were still so in love. Then I find out he is still trying to work things out with the girl he broke up with to get back with me. That wasn't flying with me. If we were gonna try to make this work again he had to be all in. Not one foot in, one foot out. So I found out and told him I knew what he was doing, but still kept hearing things. So I couldn't do that to myself again. Then our love was lost all over again. I miss him every single day. Not a day goes by where I don't think about him. My love, my soulmate, my best friend. I miss him dearly and would give anything to have him back. To me and him, what we used to be, when our love conquered it all. I keep pictures of him around and think about him all the time. But I know in my heart that if it is meant to be then it will happen. It has just hit me really hard lately. I want my love back, no one else compares, not even close. But it is in God's hands. I pray every day that God will bring him back to me, and that if it's not meant to be then He will help me find the strength to get over him and move on. Neither has happened yet and I still don't know what to do. I am still holding on and can't let go. I am still in love with Ronnie and I don't think that will ever change.

Anyways, I just had to get that off my chest because it has been really bothering me. Fighting back tears while I write this. I hope things work out one day. This weather isn't helping my mood though. Have a good day everyone. It's finally Friday!!

-One Love